Although China has advocated gender equality for decades, the patriarchy is still alive and well. Being a woman in today’s society is tough—during each stage of a woman’s life, she will be instructed on what decisions to make, to be a perfectly well-behaved “好好小姐” (Ms. Hao Hao). She is also more likely to be judged by her gender instead of her personality or achievements.
For many, sexism begins at conception, when parents try to divine the gender of the fetus in creative ways (doctors are not allowed to reveal this information, to prevent gender-selective abortions.) After the birth, people may be quick to offer opinions to her parents—even if nobody explicitly says, “I am sorry you had a girl,” their attitudes are unmistakable:
A daughter will bring you less trouble than a son. At least you don’t need to save money to buy her a marital home in the future.
Shēng nǚ’ér bǐ shēng érzi shěngxīn, zhìshǎo nǐ búyòng zǎnqián gěi tā mǎi hūnfáng le.
生女兒比生兒子省心，至少你不用攢錢給她買婚房了。?
As “Little Hao Hao” becomes a toddler, she begins to explore the world, sometimes making a mess in the process. Her elders admonish her for not behaving like “女孩子家” nǚháizijiā, girl), and conforming to certain standards:
Why are you so mischievous for a girl?
Yí gè nǚháizijiā, zěnme zhème táoqì?
一個(gè)女孩子家，怎么這么淘氣？
You’re a girl, so act like a girl!
Nǚháizijiā yào yǒu nǚhái de yàngzi!
女孩子家要有女孩的樣子！
When Hao Hao is old enough to go to school, she is a good student: hardworking, disciplined, and good at exams. Her teachers seem pleased, until one day, she overhears:
Female students outperform male students now because they are better at rote learning. When the courses become more difficult, they may fall behind.
Nǚshēng xiànzài bǐ nánshēng xuéxí hǎo shì yīnwèi tāmen gèng shàncháng sǐjì yìngbèi, děng kèchéng nándù jiādà le, tāmen kěnéng jiù gēnbushàng le.
女生現(xiàn)在比男生學(xué)習(xí)好是因?yàn)樗齻兏瞄L(zhǎng)死記硬背，等課程難度加大了，她們可能就跟不上了。
The girl is upset to hear that her achievements are just a gender-based fluke, but instead of speaking up, she knuckles down and works harder, preparing for her university entrance exams, or?gaokao. A good score allows Hao Hao to attend a top university—but which major to choose? As usual, everyone is ready with their two cents:
Girls aren’t suited for science. You’re better off choosing from the liberal arts.
Nǚshēng bú shìhé xué lǐkē. Nǐ zuìhǎo háishi xuǎn gè wénkē zhuānyè.
女生不適合學(xué)理科。你最好還是選個(gè)文科專業(yè)。
They also have opinions on which university she should attend:
Why does a girl need to go so far from home? Just select a local school.
Nǚháizi líjiā nàme yuǎn gànma? Xuǎn yì suǒ běnshěng de xuéxiào jiù xíng le.
女孩子離家那么遠(yuǎn)干嗎？選一所本省的學(xué)校就行了。
Assuming Hao Hao accepts their advice, goes to a nearby university, and majors in a “soft” subject: She makes the most of it and has a great university experience. However, after she graduates, she must again make a tough decision: Aim for higher education or join the job market? But for the adults around her, that isn’t even a question:
Why does a girl need so much education?
Nǚháizi dú nàme duō shū yǒu shéme yòng?
女孩子讀那么多書有什么用？
Don’t tell me you want to be a female PhD. You’ll never be able to get married.
Bié gàosu wǒ nǐ jiānglái xiǎng dú chéng nǚbóshì. Nà nǐ gāi jià bu chūqu le.
別告訴我你將來想讀成女博士，那你該嫁不出去了。
So, rather than risk her marriage eligibility by getting “over-educated,” Hao Hao looks for a job instead. There are plenty of options: some are challenging and stressful, but well-paid; others are stable and easy, but with little room for career advancement. She’s urged to choose the latter:
Girls don’t need to push themselves too hard. A stable job is good enough.
Nǚháizi méi bìyào tài pīn, gōngzuò wěndìng jiù hǎo.
女孩子沒必要太拼，工作穩(wěn)定就好。
Still, she finds a job she likes and excels in it. She isn’t immune, though, from judgment in the workplace. If she accomplishes anything, sex is the reason:
She was promoted in such a short time. I’m sure she used the casting couch.
Tā zhème kuài jiù shēngzhí le, wǒ gǎn kěndìng tā shì bèi “qiánguīzé” le.
她這么快就升職了，我敢肯定她是被“潛規(guī)則”了。
If she makes a mistake, gender is the cause:
This task shouldn’t have been assigned to her. Women are “l(fā)ong of hair, short of brains.”
Zhège gōngzuò jiù bùgāi jiāogěi tā. Nǚrén dàodǐ shì “tóufa cháng, jiànshi duǎn”.
這個(gè)工作就不該交給她。女人到底是“頭發(fā)長(zhǎng)，見識(shí)短”。
If she gets into a disagreement with a colleague, it’s because she’s a woman:
Wherever there are women, there is drama.
Nǚrén duō de dìfang shìr jiù duō.
女人多的地方事兒就多。
Meanwhile, Hao Hao’s family and friends are pressuring her to get married:
“A man at 30 is a flower; a woman at 30 is tofu dregs.” If you don’t get married soon, you’ll end up a spinster.
“Nánrén sān shí yì zhī huā, nǚrén sān shí dòufuzhā.” Nǐ zài bù jiéhūn jiù chéng lǎogūniang le.
“男人三十一枝花，女人三十豆腐渣。”你再不結(jié)婚就成老姑娘了。
So she duly gets married before turning 30, and soon, her husband suggests that she spends more time at home:
Since ancient times, it has been “men outside, women inside.”
Zìgǔ yǐlái jiùshì “nán zhǔ wài, nǚ zhǔ nèi” ma.
自古以來就是“男主外，女主內(nèi)”嘛。
For women, family should come first.
Nǚrén háishi yào yǐ jiātíng wéi zhòng.
女人還是要以家庭為重。
Simultaneously, the media tells her:
A woman is supposed to be a virtuous wife and a good mother.
Nǚrén yīnggāi zuò ge xiánqī liángmǔ.
女人應(yīng)該做個(gè)賢妻良母。
But even if Hao Hao gives in and becomes a full-time housewife, it’s difficult to live up to society’s expectations:
A good woman should be graceful in the drawing room and skillful in the kitchen.
Hǎonǚrén yīnggāi “shàng de tīngtáng, xià de chúfáng”.
好女人應(yīng)該“上得廳堂，下得廚房”。
And the nagging doesn’t stop there. Soon everyone is expecting the patter of tiny feet:
You have been married for so long. It’s time to have a baby, or you will get too old.
Nǐ dōu jiéhūn zhème jiǔ le, gāi yào háizi le. Zài bù shēng nǐ jiù lǎo le.
你都結(jié)婚這么久了，該要孩子了。再不生你就老了。
A woman is incomplete if she doesn’t become a mother.
Méi dāngguo māma de nǚrén shì bù wánzhěng de.
沒當(dāng)過媽媽的女人是不完整的。
This once high-achieving student and successful employee is now pregnant—congratulations! Unfortunately, it’s a girl. At the hospital, people offer glib words of comfort: “A daughter is not so bad…” Only now does Hao Hao think of the comebacks she should have used years ago:
A daughter is as good as a son.
Shēng ér shēng nǚ dōu yíyàng.
生兒生女都一樣。
Girls can also be playful and mischievous.
Nǚhái yě huì tānwánr, yě huì wánpí.
女孩也會(huì)貪玩兒，也會(huì)頑皮。
Girls, like boys, can be creative and logical.
Nǚshēng hé nánshēng yíyàng yǒu chuàngzàolì hé luóji sīwéi.
女生和男生一樣有創(chuàng)造力和邏輯思維。
Girls can go anywhere in the world.
Nǚshēng yě néng zǒunán chuǎngběi.
女生也能走南闖北。
Girls also have the right to seek higher education.
Nǚshēng yěyǒu quánlì jiēshòu gāoděng jiàoyù.
女生也有權(quán)利接受高等教育。
Women should care about their careers too, and seek out challenges.
Nǚrén yě yǒu shìyèxīn, yě néng shēngrèn yǒu tiǎozhànxìng de gōngzuò.
女人也有事業(yè)心, 也能勝任有挑戰(zhàn)性的工作。
Women have the right to decide when, or whether, to get married.
Nǚrén yǒuquán juédìng zìjǐ shénme shíhou jiéhūn, huòzhě jié bu jiéhūn.
女人有權(quán)決定自己什么時(shí)候結(jié)婚，或者結(jié)不結(jié)婚。
Women can also be breadwinners.
Nǚrén yě kěyǐ zhuànqián yǎngjiā.
女人也可以賺錢養(yǎng)家。
A woman is more than just a wife and mother.
Nǚrén bù zhǐshì qīzi hé mǔqīn.
女人不只是妻子和母親。
Women and men are equal.
Nǚrén hé nánrén shì píngděng de.
女人和男人是平等的。
“Mansplaining with Chinese Characteristics’”?is a?story from our?issue, “The Masculinity Issue”. To read the entire issue, become a?subscriber?and receive the?full magazine. Alternatively, you can purchase the digital version from the?iTunes Store.
Article by Sun Jiahui (孫佳慧)
