Market rate
Bride prices used to be regarded as a manifestation of mercenary marriage and China's Marriage Law clearly prohibits "using marriage to demand money." But in recent years, these have grown sky-high in many rural parts of the country, including Gansu, Henan, Shandong, Jiangxi and Anhui provinces.
"You can not pay the bride price, but don't expect to take a wife. There are many others who are willing to pay it," said Yang, a Xincai county local.
Many criticize families with daughters as greedy. There are indeed many cases of families breaking up couples after failing to get a sufficient bride price.
Yang said that while there are parents who want to make a fortune from their daughters, most simply follow the convention and the "market" everyone is a part of. The size of the bride price reflects the value of one's daughter, she added.
"If your daughter gets married without a bride price or with a price smaller than others', people might suspect something is wrong with your daughter and you will feel disgraced," Yang said.
Her daughter married two years ago and collected an average bride price, though Yang later returned the money to her son-in-law's family.
Comparisons between women is one cause of spiraling bride prices. When one family demands an above-average price and succeeds, word spreads and other families see it as a new standard to follow. Thus the average price is raised.
In some regions, professional match-makers play a role in growing prices. As Pingliang Weekly reported, in Pingliang, Gansu, some match-makers demand 5 to 10 percent of the bride price as commission. To get more money, some match-makers deliberately inflate prices.
But these standards are flexible depending on the suitor.
"An ugly man from a poor family might be asked for 150,000 yuan. But a man who is good-looking will only need to give 66,000 yuan. The girl's family will take all factors into consideration," Xu said.
Demographic imbalance
Huang's son's fiancée is two years older than him, which is less than ideal as traditionally men should have wives younger than they are. But this is no problem, as there are so few eligible girls to choose from.
She urgently needs to pay the bride price to get everything settled. "If you cannot afford the bride price, there might be others willing to pay it, then you will be out of luck," said Huang.
Huang's urgency is to be expected. Despite the spiking costs of marriage, it is becoming more and more difficult to find suitable brides in the countryside.
As rural young people head to the cities to work, women have found it easier to find husbands and stay in urban areas compared with men looking for brides. As a result the already-skewed gender balance in rural areas is becoming increasingly pronounced and girls are scarce. According to a report by Pingliang Weekly, in a village in Gansu the proportion of men to women has reached 4:1.
"Men [who go to cities to work] are in an awkward position. They cannot afford to buy an apartment in the city and stay there, and back at home, it is still too expensive for them to get a wife," Xu said. He added that it is not surprising that men who are really poor often find brides who are divorced, have a child or suffer from mental illness or disability.
But Li Hongxiang argues that it is changing mindsets, rather than shifting demographics, that are driving up bride prices.
"An important reason probably is, in the social context of rapid economic development, people have changed their mindset and expect to get rich quick," Li analyzes.
Even though the Marriage Law prohibits "using marriage to demand money," Li argues that it is hard to say whether bride prices come under this description. "Some parents will return the money to the young couple. It is hard to say."
Due to the negative social impacts of high bride prices, some local officials in Gansu have suggested holding morality classes to tell villagers about the disadvantages of high bride prices.
"It is important to advocate, but how effective it will be depends on the local economic development and people's mindset," Li said.
"Stressing too much on money sometimes harms the stability of a marriage," Li said, "But meanwhile, for a man to get married, first of all he should be capable for it, physically, psychologically and financially."
